This Ain't No Rodeo (Pt. 2)

Brandi had to deal with Zach's craziness for years. It was a type of insanity best related to post traumatic stress disorder, but she had a means to calm him in his worst of times.

The nightmares, however, had become increasingly frequent and vivid. Waking in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and crying out for his lost children. Brandi had not yet told him that she was expecting for fear of him having a bigger meltdown.

It was, perhaps, instinctual that Zach was reacting the way he was. He wanted more children. He longed for more children. His fragile mind, however, fears that he'll, again, have to watch their slaughter before his eyes.

Brandi had not started showing, but winter was working in her favor. It was on the horizon and it would be the excuse she needed to wear the bigger and baggier clothes for work to keep warm, hiding any signs she may be pregnant for the necessary time needed to ease Zach's mind into, again, becoming a father.

Brandi was none too sure about having a child herself, but she knew that it would make Zach happy if he could get over his fears.

Her arms wrap around him, it is a little past three in the morning, while his tears flow down his face and drip off into his lap. Her eyes swell with tears beginning to form as well, but she refuses to let them fall. It isn't her trying to be strong for him, it is her trying to prevent more sadness from him. He is, of course, acutely aware of how his emotions impact hers.

Her hands flow through his hair, freshly trimmed to a short cut, and kisses his forehead. “I'm sorry,” Zach says with softness.

“Don't apologize.” Her hand slides down to his stubbly bearded face as she uses the gesture to gently glide his face towards hers. Their eyes lock and instantly a gentle calm floats through him. Her gentle lips touch his soft and vague before slipping back at a distance where their faces become clear again. “We can make it through this.” His tears stop as her left hand slides down his back – the right still resting softly against his cheek.

She lay down beside him again and pulled his head to her shoulder. His arm slid over her stomach as he kissed the side of her neck. “Thank you.”

It was noon. The middle of the work day and Brandi had no patients. She found herself in the back of her office, the corner, facing books about current procedures in the medical field. Tears the size of rivers are flowing down her face and her right hand rests firmly on her stomach. Under the deep but soft breathing, she says, “how will I tell him?”

A firm, hard knock upon her door happens. She wipes the tears from her face and swiftly moves her hand from herself before telling whoever is there to enter.

“We are...” a pause fills the air. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine.” Brandi, still not having turned around, peers from the corner of her eyes to see a male clerk named Johnny standing at the door. “What do you need?”

“We're running low on gauze. I need to run to the pharmacy to pick up some.” His speech came out concerned and desiring of more information. “I know I'm new here but I will listen to whatever you have going on.”

“Thanks.” Brandi's eyes stared into the books in front of her. “I'll be fine. Thank you.”

“You don't always have to be a bad ass.” The door shut behind Johnny as he made his way, presumably, to the pharmacy.

A steaming cup of coffee sits in front of Zach as he stares outside at his ranch, cattle feeding calmly, and his mind lost in some far away land where Brandi and he are living happily and without issue of his previous life. A plate with a half eaten biscuit with eggs to the side sit in front of him, the eggs steaming and coffee filling the air with a pleasant aroma. It is the physical icing of his emotional dreamland.

His fork slides into the egg and he lifts it to his mouth. There is a hint of pepper and salt combined with the egg and for a moment a smile forms on his face that escapes notice. Brandi, in his mind, is brushing a horse's mane and smiling back at him with those beautiful eyes that first caught his attention so many years ago and a smile the makes him melt still to this day.

Two of the cows outside walk alongside one another to a patch of grass as another lets out a loud moo. Zach takes a sip of coffee as he eyes peer towards the cattle but seeing a fantasy landscape instead.

An hour had passed when another knock came about the door of Brandi's office. Her ass was parked firmly in her chair, reading glasses cover her eyes as she read the latest story book to hit the shelves. Her work day was over as far as she was concerned, though she was mentally checked out before checking in.

Johnny peered his head through a crack he made in the door way. “I brought you some chocolate.”

Brandi's lips form into a smile. “Thank you.”

“There's a catch.”

“Oh? What's the catch?”

“You have to tell me what's going on.”

Brandi hunches over, but she knows she has to talk to someone. She can't figure out the answers herself. “Give me the chocolate.”

Johnny breaks off a piece of the chocolate and set it in her hand.

“You're serious about this, huh?” she smirks.

She lays it out on the table, but she has no choice. As soon as she starts giving up information it floods out of her like a river dam breaking. Johnny's facial expressions range from the joy he finds in Zach and Brandi's love for one another to the sadness he finds his Zach's past and how hard it is for him to pull out of it.

The time flows quickly as more and more of the story exposes itself. Finally, as Brandi finishes the story, Johnny offers up the most simplistic of solutions. “Tell him you're pregnant. It will give him a reason to concentrate on the future instead of the past.”

Brandi prepared a fire in the back yard after getting home, Zach still sat at the kitchen table staring off into his dream world. She sits down beside him and slides her right hand over his left to break his trance. The two lock eyes and smile at one another – her smile matching that of the one in his fantasy. “Let's go out back, babe. Let's enjoy being outside. The evening is perfect.”

They sit close to one another on a log just outside of the fire. Brandi's arms wrap around Zach and he melts into her body. They settle into the comfort of one another for a long moment that suspends itself in the air.

“Zach, my love, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?” Zach says as their bodies are still melted together, and without moving to break the bond.

“I'm pregnant.”

Zach's heart stops momentarily as all of his fears come into the front of his mind – the memory of his children from his previous marriage dying in front of him, the memory of him being completely unable to do anything to save them. His heart begins to race faster and faster when, suddenly, Brandi's hand touches the side of his face to pull it to face her's.

“It will be ok. We have one another. This is a good thing.”

His eyes lock into hers and a calm flows over him. His heart slows to near normal levels. All he can see is her eyes, her lips, her face, her love. All he can feel is that moment in time, filling him as deeply as anything can. A smile forms on his face.

“I know it isn't going to be easy, but we can do this. We can do this together.”

Zach, without any intent or control, finds his lips matching hers in a passionate lock that stills time. After an eternity has passed, his lips peel back and he says, “yes. Yes, we can do this. I love you.”

-Dustin S. Stover