Attraction (Let Me Get Personal)

With the recent influx of titles for sexual preferences, I thought it should be time that I put in my two cents in regards to attraction.

First off, I think labels are grossly misused.  Why should there be a thousand labels to identify someone's sexuality (or lack thereof)?  It is simple - do you like the person?  Yes?  No?  Alright, let's move on.

I've always struggled with why I'm desirable and I, very typically, come to the conclusion that it is for all the wrong reasons.  I feel that personality should be the highest priority in finding a partner, but it is the hardest part of a person to uncover.

More often than not, it is appearance that strikes someone's fancy.  It should be no wonder, then, why so many relationships fail.  By the point comes in which you discover the person's personality, what makes them unique, you're in too deep to just walk away.  It is also the time people discover their distaste for the other person.

Let me turn this a bit more personal.  It should come to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've had my fair share of relationships, typically lasting far longer than their expiration date should have allowed.

Through these experiences I have discovered that there are two primary reasons people find themselves attracted to me.  Either through physical appearance, which I've already touched upon, or what I represent in their life.

I represent a fleeting moment in time.  A life that allows my discontent to be explored and turn otherwise relevant and staying points in time to be fleeting.  Even when I'm not moving I'm moving.  I'm a dream that people think they desire in life, the ability to pack up and leave at a given point in time without the fear of what could happen, the ability to leave a miserable job because I can live on pennies on the dollar and not think twice about it, and the ability to pursue my own goals uninhibited by the strains of loans, children to take care of, or whatever other social norms that I feel so far removed from that they only create consequences in my life by separating me further from the norm.

I feel that personality is the least likely to shine through even for myself, which I feel is, essentially, everything I am.

Is this really any different than anyone else, though?  Even the most simplistic person often feels desperately alone in their relationship - could it be that it all rides on them not feeling accepted, deep down, even on a subconscious level, by the one they've grown dependent upon?

I've always been into personality primarily.  Always.  A friend recently made a comment to me about how I don't have a body type of woman.  It is true.  Looking back through my history, I've never looked to a body type as a source of attraction.  I've chosen to look deep into who each person was, appreciate them for being this unique person who could only exist if their life experiences happened exactly as they did to bring them to the very point in time in which we met and then chosen to allow them complete expression of themselves.  Often times at the expense of my own expression, so it goes without wonder why I've felt so little acceptance in my previous affairs.  (Do not message me asking if this is about you.)

Don't get me wrong, a physical attraction has to be sparked somewhere in there; however, anyone can become attractive to another person if the emotions are there first and everyone has some type of preference for body type, but it boggles my mind when someone won't date another person because they are too tall or too short or too hairy, their hips too big, they are overweight, or whatever other reason.  Some of these things can be truly important, of course - say you lift weights and working out is a large part of your life, obviously someone who prefers to watch tv and is overweight won't be the one for you, but is that because of body type or lifestyle choices?

The whole point behind this post is that perspectives need to change.  The level of importance on what you call yourself sexually has been raised far too high.  Physical appearance has got to stop mattering as much if the desire is to be in a truly happy relationship - and if you have it matter less now then you'll find yourself attracted to someone in a way you never knew possible later.

Every human being is comprised of the same building blocks, we all have the same basic functionality - what makes us different are our personalities, not our appearance.  It is time that society started valuing that more.  Or don't.  That choice is ultimately up to you.

-Dustin S. Stover

My collection of short stories can be found through Kindle and Barnes and Noble.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

This Ain't No Rodeo (Pt. 2)

Brandi had to deal with Zach's craziness for years. It was a type of insanity best related to post traumatic stress disorder, but she had a means to calm him in his worst of times.

The nightmares, however, had become increasingly frequent and vivid. Waking in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and crying out for his lost children. Brandi had not yet told him that she was expecting for fear of him having a bigger meltdown.

It was, perhaps, instinctual that Zach was reacting the way he was. He wanted more children. He longed for more children. His fragile mind, however, fears that he'll, again, have to watch their slaughter before his eyes.

Brandi had not started showing, but winter was working in her favor. It was on the horizon and it would be the excuse she needed to wear the bigger and baggier clothes for work to keep warm, hiding any signs she may be pregnant for the necessary time needed to ease Zach's mind into, again, becoming a father.

Brandi was none too sure about having a child herself, but she knew that it would make Zach happy if he could get over his fears.

Her arms wrap around him, it is a little past three in the morning, while his tears flow down his face and drip off into his lap. Her eyes swell with tears beginning to form as well, but she refuses to let them fall. It isn't her trying to be strong for him, it is her trying to prevent more sadness from him. He is, of course, acutely aware of how his emotions impact hers.

Her hands flow through his hair, freshly trimmed to a short cut, and kisses his forehead. “I'm sorry,” Zach says with softness.

“Don't apologize.” Her hand slides down to his stubbly bearded face as she uses the gesture to gently glide his face towards hers. Their eyes lock and instantly a gentle calm floats through him. Her gentle lips touch his soft and vague before slipping back at a distance where their faces become clear again. “We can make it through this.” His tears stop as her left hand slides down his back – the right still resting softly against his cheek.

She lay down beside him again and pulled his head to her shoulder. His arm slid over her stomach as he kissed the side of her neck. “Thank you.”

It was noon. The middle of the work day and Brandi had no patients. She found herself in the back of her office, the corner, facing books about current procedures in the medical field. Tears the size of rivers are flowing down her face and her right hand rests firmly on her stomach. Under the deep but soft breathing, she says, “how will I tell him?”

A firm, hard knock upon her door happens. She wipes the tears from her face and swiftly moves her hand from herself before telling whoever is there to enter.

“We are...” a pause fills the air. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine.” Brandi, still not having turned around, peers from the corner of her eyes to see a male clerk named Johnny standing at the door. “What do you need?”

“We're running low on gauze. I need to run to the pharmacy to pick up some.” His speech came out concerned and desiring of more information. “I know I'm new here but I will listen to whatever you have going on.”

“Thanks.” Brandi's eyes stared into the books in front of her. “I'll be fine. Thank you.”

“You don't always have to be a bad ass.” The door shut behind Johnny as he made his way, presumably, to the pharmacy.

A steaming cup of coffee sits in front of Zach as he stares outside at his ranch, cattle feeding calmly, and his mind lost in some far away land where Brandi and he are living happily and without issue of his previous life. A plate with a half eaten biscuit with eggs to the side sit in front of him, the eggs steaming and coffee filling the air with a pleasant aroma. It is the physical icing of his emotional dreamland.

His fork slides into the egg and he lifts it to his mouth. There is a hint of pepper and salt combined with the egg and for a moment a smile forms on his face that escapes notice. Brandi, in his mind, is brushing a horse's mane and smiling back at him with those beautiful eyes that first caught his attention so many years ago and a smile the makes him melt still to this day.

Two of the cows outside walk alongside one another to a patch of grass as another lets out a loud moo. Zach takes a sip of coffee as he eyes peer towards the cattle but seeing a fantasy landscape instead.

An hour had passed when another knock came about the door of Brandi's office. Her ass was parked firmly in her chair, reading glasses cover her eyes as she read the latest story book to hit the shelves. Her work day was over as far as she was concerned, though she was mentally checked out before checking in.

Johnny peered his head through a crack he made in the door way. “I brought you some chocolate.”

Brandi's lips form into a smile. “Thank you.”

“There's a catch.”

“Oh? What's the catch?”

“You have to tell me what's going on.”

Brandi hunches over, but she knows she has to talk to someone. She can't figure out the answers herself. “Give me the chocolate.”

Johnny breaks off a piece of the chocolate and set it in her hand.

“You're serious about this, huh?” she smirks.

She lays it out on the table, but she has no choice. As soon as she starts giving up information it floods out of her like a river dam breaking. Johnny's facial expressions range from the joy he finds in Zach and Brandi's love for one another to the sadness he finds his Zach's past and how hard it is for him to pull out of it.

The time flows quickly as more and more of the story exposes itself. Finally, as Brandi finishes the story, Johnny offers up the most simplistic of solutions. “Tell him you're pregnant. It will give him a reason to concentrate on the future instead of the past.”

Brandi prepared a fire in the back yard after getting home, Zach still sat at the kitchen table staring off into his dream world. She sits down beside him and slides her right hand over his left to break his trance. The two lock eyes and smile at one another – her smile matching that of the one in his fantasy. “Let's go out back, babe. Let's enjoy being outside. The evening is perfect.”

They sit close to one another on a log just outside of the fire. Brandi's arms wrap around Zach and he melts into her body. They settle into the comfort of one another for a long moment that suspends itself in the air.

“Zach, my love, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?” Zach says as their bodies are still melted together, and without moving to break the bond.

“I'm pregnant.”

Zach's heart stops momentarily as all of his fears come into the front of his mind – the memory of his children from his previous marriage dying in front of him, the memory of him being completely unable to do anything to save them. His heart begins to race faster and faster when, suddenly, Brandi's hand touches the side of his face to pull it to face her's.

“It will be ok. We have one another. This is a good thing.”

His eyes lock into hers and a calm flows over him. His heart slows to near normal levels. All he can see is her eyes, her lips, her face, her love. All he can feel is that moment in time, filling him as deeply as anything can. A smile forms on his face.

“I know it isn't going to be easy, but we can do this. We can do this together.”

Zach, without any intent or control, finds his lips matching hers in a passionate lock that stills time. After an eternity has passed, his lips peel back and he says, “yes. Yes, we can do this. I love you.”

-Dustin S. Stover

The Dilemmas of Love and Lust

Love and lust hold so many similarities and yet maintain very distinct differences.  The similarities make them very easily blurred, especially when emotionally fragile.  The differences, however, can absolutely ruin one or the other.

A prime example of this is cheating and those who cheat.  It should come as little surprise that the primary reason that any person would cheat is because they are lacking something in their primary relationship.  Sometimes that is emotional, sometimes that is physical, sometimes it is both, but assuredly it is because of love or lust.

Everyone craves love, whether we want to admit it or not.  We all have a strong desire to be completely accepted by another individual for who we are and feel a mutual acceptance for that person.  The real problem with this arises when people begin to show who they really are, or perhaps allow.

Lust, of course, is what everyone wants.  It can involve he emotions of love, but it may not necessarily be the same.  It is just an act of total passion.

There should always be a balance between the two in any healthy relationship, but obviously it is easy to fall into certain routines.  Those routines can easily destroy one side of that balance.  So what is a person to do after they've lost one side of that equation?

The simplistic answer is to talk it out and find a means to regain that balance to a satisfactory level.  Of course, from what most people have told me about their own relationships, this seems like the least likely option.  Apparently people find themselves in relationships in which talking out their differences to find something mutually beneficial is harder than what I could possibly imagine.

The next option, and what seems to happen far more frequently than is healthy, is to cheat.  Finding that someone at the local coffee shop, through online dating, or a coworker who can satisfy whatever is lacking in the situation.  It ends in some seriously hurt feelings or worse, far worse in some cases.

I find it rather interesting as to how common it is for open relationships to exist.  I shouldn't be surprised as I've had my own versions of this one in the past; however, I've found that the majority of people I know who do have these circumstances are the ones who either are or have partners who are unwilling to listen to the other person.

I should note that it isn't because they are bad people in the situations I've had people talk to me about, but rather it seems to be more of a pride thing.  No one wants to hear that they don't give good oral or can't last a satisfying length of time, but the fact is that these things happen.  Talking about them and bringing them into the open is the first step at accepting them, and only after accepting them can they be changed for the better.

I'm not going to pretend that I have any set advice on how to find a solution if you find yourself in this situation.  The only thing I can say about it is that you have to talk.  If you find yourself lacking the emotional side, especially if you're a man (and we know how hard that is) then express that, even if you don't even know that is what you're experiencing.  Just express yourself.  If you find yourself lustful after that feeling of pure, raw, uninhibited sexual fantasy and desire, even as a woman, then express that to your partner.  You may not be able to find a happy middle ground, but at least it is a start towards figuring out how to find one.

-Dustin S. Stover

For more of my writing, click below.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

When is it Time to Move On?

I have always found myself around or in unhealthy relationships.  It seems to be even more prevalent now compared to my past, but perhaps that is because I've opted to not pursue those unhealthy relationships that I'd have went into headstrong in my youth.

Every day, however, I see the things people hold with such high regards slipping through their finger tips.  The sands of time have a wicked way of escaping us while we focus on how to fix what we find so wrong in our lives.

This brings me to a theory I've grown to appreciate.  I'm not sure if I'm the first person to ever think it up, but I've never heard anyone else express it openly.  Here goes.

Essentially, humans as a whole want to enjoy life.  When thinking critically about what people look forward to and enjoy most in life, it isn't the objects they possess but the experiences they have throughout their life.

Experiences, however, change perspectives.  Anyone who has friends knows that having an experience with friends is more enjoyable, but is it ever the same experience for two people?  I don't think so.  The importance of this is simple - if two people carry different emotions through the same experience then what they gain through the experience will shape them differently.

Of course, other experiences can bring two people closer together, but eventually there will be enough experiences driving a wedge into the evolution of the two people to cause a desire to separate.

There is a logical, but very destructive, means to avoid experiences creating a gap in growth and that is to not experience new things.  This goes without saying that being an adult causes this to happen anyway.  Obligating one's self to a job or career automatically means that the free time to go out and live an exciting life isn't nearly as available as it was in youth; however, even the amount of experiences one could have can be narrowed drastically.

This, too, can have a backfiring effect.  For example, if I am in a relationship and suddenly find myself in a stale lifestyle in which experiences stop coming my way then I will very swiftly find myself unhappy.  If the person I'm with is the one who doesn't ever want to go out and experience anything then then, well, obviously the two of us shouldn't be together.

Having been in a relationship that started off with grand adventures and travels and ending in little more than simply watching television shows and arguing over where we were going to eat for dinner, I can honestly say that I would rather be alone.

Another addition to this theory is that no two people will emotionally evolve at the same rate.  Some people don't want to change, some don't acknowledge how they can change for the better, and some people are constantly striving to make their lives better for tomorrow in any number of ways.

All these things bring me to a conclusion that, perhaps, relationships are not meant to last forever.  Perhaps they simply work for a period of time and then it is time to leave them for the next, someone who is more keen to where you are in life and match more evenly.  That makes me sound very cold hearted, I know, but that could be the most healthy for all of us.

This perspective has also helped me appreciate everyone I've been with to a much larger degree.  I don't expect anyone to change their lifestyle or me.  I don't desire to change anyone's mentality just to hold onto a sinking ship.  I've loved.  I've lost.  I will likely do both again, but I have a great deal of respect for (almost) every girl I've ever dated.  I also think that, because of this mentality, I am far happier for those women wen they move on and find happiness with other people.

This is all complete theory, though, and it isn't as though I have anything beyond my own personal experiences to base this upon.  Ultimately, everyone has to do whatever they feel is going to make them most happy.

-Dustin S. Stover

My collection of short stories:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

The Art of Healthy Relationships

I recently read an article about what women need in a relationship. It got me thinking that men are equally needy in a relationship but those needs get overlooked. Beyond men being equally needy, men and women often times need the same things.

After reading the article I posted a link to a social media site which got a few comments. I noticed that the comments all repeated a similar statement – men just need food, beer and sex. I happen to know this is false because I'm a man and don't drink alcohol at all.

I have compiled a list of things below that are universally needed in a relationship with some male only needs for good measure.

A person in a relationship needs to know you love them. It goes beyond just saying the words, too. Show them you love them and they will return that sentiment.

People need active support in their decisions. Anyone can say, “yeah, honey, I think it is a good idea. You should do it.” It takes a different kind of person to help the loved one figure out payroll in their new found company.

Space. Too much space is as damaging to a relationship as too little space and every person in the world requires their own amount of space.

They want to be understood. You don't have to know exactly what to say in any given situation, but they want you to have some degree of understanding where they are coming from at any time. You may not understand their excitement over a new pair of shoes or a pool table, but you should know that they will react that way when they get it.

People want to feel special. Why do you love the other person? There are millions of reasons why someone can fall in love with another person, but why do you love the other person? Once you've figured that out then learn to express it. Is it their intelligence? Do they make you feel safe? Can you open up to them entirely? Let them know.

Everyone wants to feel sexually desired. The way someone wants to feel sexually desired is as individual as the person, but everyone wants that feeling. Whether it is through raw lust, intimate passion, being dominated or subordinate. The moment the other person stops feeling sexually desirable then the sex life diminishes and sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship.

We all want our pasts to be accepted. We made mistakes, and every one of us are a work in progress in some way. It is the human way to evolve our personalities throughout our life and in order to do that we must make mistakes along the way. Some will be a doozy, some will be shrugged off as though they don't matter, and others really won't matter but we all want the other person to understand that we're not there any more.

We all want a future with the one we love. I do not know of anyone who gets into a relationship and thinks, “this is it. My life can end tomorrow and it is perfect.” We all want to experience a future with the loved one, otherwise we wouldn't be in the relationship. That means growing together through experiences. When the experiences stop then the life with that person becomes dull. Everyone needs a different amount of experiences as well, so again this all falls back on understanding your partner.

Lastly, and this goes primarily for men, we need bacon. Bacon is great. Men love bacon and always appreciate it when a woman makes us some.

-Dustin S. Stover

For a collection of my short stories:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

This Ain't No Rodeo

Zach sits in his jail cell awaiting his release. His facial hair has grown long and his hair shaggy from the long years he spent behind these solid bars. His wife, Amy the bar maiden of the town, once longed for his release, but now fears it more than she ever longed for it.

Long ago, before Zach had been incarcerated, Amy and Zach had a family. Three young boys below the age of ten and a daughter aged twelve. He was a cattle rancher and had a decent penny to his name when a rival cattle rancher decided that he'd make a deal with Zach he couldn't turn down. The deal was simple, his cattle for his kids lives.

Zach didn't take the deal. He needed to provide for his family and he couldn't afford a new stock of cattle, especially if it ran the risk of the same thing happening again. He stood his ground, and then, with the help of several of the other cattle rancher's men he was held down while they murdered every one of his children in front of him.

The mayor of the town, Tom Hinchcliffer, backed the new cattle rancher. It all got spun that Zach went crazy and murdered his own family after his wife rode their horse into town for food. The trial was quick, and Zach spent the next lifetime behind those bars.

Amy originally believed Zach's side of the story, but the longer she was away from him the more crazy he became, at least in her mind.

Still, Zach's only two cares were getting back to his wife and getting back at that rancher and Tom Hinchcliffer. They were the only two things that kept him going.

Tom Hinchcliffer was voted out of being mayor five years ago and now spends his days in his home listening to silence and getting a financial reward for keeping the authority off of the door of that unnamed cattle rancher that Zach so longed to get his hands on.

Amy had stopped visiting Zach a couple years ago after her frequent visits gradually decreased over time. At first she visited as frequently as she could, but as time progressed she visited less and less frequently until, finally, she stopped coming altogether. She had found comfort in the various men that would frequent her establishment – the establishment she setup with Zach's money. She was making more money selling spirits in her tavern than Zach ever did with cattle, and she had no intention on letting him have any of it.

Zach still spent every day thinking about starting a new family after avenging his previous family with Amy.

The day had finally come for Zach's freedom, and freedom he craved. The sheriff slid the key into the lock, twisted, and said, “off you go now. We'll be watchin' ya so don't do nuthin' stupid.”

First thing was first for Zach, he had to trim his wretched beard. He began his long walk to his home on the outskirts of town. He had no idea that Amy had sold the place, or that she had even opened up a tavern in town. When he arrived to his previous home he found it abandoned of all life. He leaned against the outside, thought for a moment, then kicked the front door in and walked to the bathroom.

Most everything inside the house had been sold off long ago, but things that couldn't sell remained. There was broken dishes in the kitchen, a chair that was heavily worn in the living room, a broken mirror in the bathroom, and his shaving equipment in the medicine cabinet – just where he left it.

He started shaving off his beard, but after it had fallen into the sink he kept going and removed the hair atop his head as well.

He left the bathroom and started walking towards the front door, but stopped when he came to the hallway. His bedroom, or what used to be his bedroom, door is wide open. He walks down the hall half expecting someone to pop out and attack him, this is where he was attacked all those years ago.

The memories flooded into his mind. They started with his youngest son, Andrew. They made it quick by shooting him in the head. Next was the next youngest son, Allen, with the same story. The oldest son, and second oldest overall, Adam, tried to fight back to save his sister and Zach. Adam bit the arm of the one holding him down and almost managed to make it to his sister before one of the other men kicked him in the side of his head and knocked him to the ground. They pulled Adam back and held him down beside his father while they had their way with the oldest child, Andrea.

The first man raped her while forcing Adam and Zach to watch, then when she laid there crying – Zach and Adam also full of tears, helpless as the six men stood there laughing at their victory – they shot Adam in the head. “She isn't done suffering yet,” the ring leader said.

“Take all the fucking cattle!” Zach had been yelling it for what seemed to be an eternity, perhaps since Andrew had first been shot, but he couldn't tell in his mental state. Zach thought for a moment that it all had to be a bad dream, but it wasn't. The rope around his wrists caused pain, real pain, and there was a gun pointed at his head as he yelled for them to stop and save his daughter.

They didn't stop. They took turns hitting her over and over. Then when they stopped looking as though they enjoyed it they shot Andrea in the head. All of Zach's children had died in front of his eyes.

The men cut Zach's hands loose and sat the gun down a few feet from him, then walked out of the house and into the distance.

Zach stared at the gun, waiting for it to move, waiting for it to shoot him dead, waiting for it to do anything. It didn't do anything. It sat there staring at him and him staring back at it.

Zach picked the gun up and placed the barrel into his mouth. Tears were streaming down his face faster than any river in the world. He heard the door open in the distance, but it didn't register as anything of this world.

“Honey! What....!!!!” Amy stood in the doorway with her jaw on the floor as she saw her four children laying in the room dead and her husband with a gun firmly in his mouth.

“They... they... they...they... kill... they... killed... they killed them all.... in... front... of... me...” The gun dropped to the ground.

Zach is searching through his old bedroom. Even the bed has disappeared, leaving nothing but a dust rectangle in the middle of the floor. A cowboy hat was laying in the corner – the one he used to wear. He walked to the corner, picked it up, and put it on before leaving the house for the last time.

He walks to the shed behind the house, opens the door, and walks to the back of the empty area. He opens a cabinet door and feels the top of the opening. He pulls out a pistol then reaches back in and pulls out a second pistol, the exact same as the first, places them on top of a shelf, and then pulls out a belt with two holsters attached to it. He puts the belt on and drops the pistols into the pockets.

Amy is serving beers to the same men she serves beers to every night. The biggest decision she has to make tonight is which of these men she will take back to her place. She wants all three of them, she'd even take two at once if they'd let her, but she'll have to settle for just one.

Her cleavage hangs out as much as she can let it without totally being exposed. She flirts with every man she can, they are all fun to her.

A woman walks into the tavern, a real looker. She carries about her a level of sophistication that no one in the bar is used to seeing and they all begin to berate her by hurling insults towards her to make her feel out of place, which is to say that she belongs in the kitchen. She is the new physician of the town, replacing the previous male doctor who retired a couple months ago. The whole town knew who she was and hated her since she came across as better than the rest of them.

“What can I get ye?”

“I'll have whatever they are having down there.”

“Now, woman, you don't look like ya can handle yer liquor like dem men can.” Amy says to the proper woman.

“I'll have what they have, please.” the physician lady said with a level of self assured tone that couldn't be rivaled by anyone in the room.

“Now, listen here, lady. If you can drink that beer faster than I can then I'll give you ten cents.” A man sitting a couple stools down from the physician said.

“Start drinking.”

She finished before he did, took her ten cents, and walked out of the bar.

“That Brandi is a real bitch, huh, Amy?”

“Yeah. She thinks she's better than the rest 'a us little folks.”

“I'd take her out back and show her what a real man's 'a made of.” A laugh bellowed out of the deepest part of the man's stomach. “Give me 'nother round, Amy!”

Zach stumbled into Amy's tavern by accident while looking for a drink. As soon as his eyes hit her behind the bar he felt his heart sink to the floor and shoot back up into his throat as though it was attached to a rubber band. She glanced at him but clearly had no idea who he was. He sat down at one of the tables near the door.

“What can I getcha?” Amy's voice had never sounded more enthusiastic and for a moment Zach swore she was just happy to see him.

“Amy... I've missed you.”

The look in her eyes ruined everything positive he felt. “What... I didn't recognize ya, hun.”

“I've missed you so much. It is so good to see you again.”

“I... I can't do this, Zach.”

“What... do you... mean?”

“I don't know you.”

Zach found himself in the bad part of town where the gamblers ran the tables and the prostitutes took less than they were worth. He managed to weasel himself into a few coins and was now gambling them on games he only hoped he could win.

After winning several hands of black jack and gathering up information on Tom Hinchcliffer's where abouts he decided to spend some of his earned money on some of the cheaper women He didn't have the money for the high priced women so he went for what he could afford, which was the cheapest woman there.

Several days had passed when Zach noticed that he had a milky discharge coming from his dick. He had to see a doctor so he made his way to the only place in town.

“My name is Brandi and, as I'm sure you've figured out, I'm a female physician. Let's just get that out of the way now. So what problems are you having?”

“I've got a dripping dong, ma'am.”

“Oh.. well... let's take a look, shall we?”

As she is looking over Zach he asks, “so how does a woman become a doc anyway?”

“The same way a man does.” Her eyes don't even lift.

“I didn't mean that to be offensive. I've just never seen a woman do your job before.”

“Expect it to start happening more often.”

“Good.” A smile grew on Zach's face as Brandi peered her eyes up towards him from between his legs. “I'd rather you be doing this than any man.”

“You're the first person who seems alright with me being their physician.”

“You seem like you're good at it.”

Brandi's touch had lightened as she prodded at Zach. “I'll get you some antibiotics that should clear this up within a week. Try to keep your drippy dong out of cheap thrills from now on.”

Zach had been staying with one of those cheap thrills. It was the only place he could find, but he had no intentions on going back there and risking another infection. “Say, Brandi, I don't suppose you know of a cheap place to stay, do ya? I'm sorta homeless right now.”

Her face tilted to one side, then to the other side, then back again. “You can stay with me.” Her eyes still looked confused, “but you have to fix some things around my house for me.”

“Deal.”

“And you can't be bringing home drippy dongs.”

“Definitely deal.”

During the days, while Brandi was working, Zach started digging into finding out as much as he could about the cattle rancher that stole his life. The cattle rancher was Tom Hinchcliffer's brother, Brian. Zach started developing a plan to get his revenge, but as time progressed he found himself more and more patient and careful with his plotting.

Brandi and Zach grew ever closer. Brandi had already fallen in love with Zach, though he didn't see it. He was also still very in love with Amy though he knew it was over.

“So what happened in your life to make you homeless?” Brandi asked – it had been months of living together.

Zach told her everything. He knew at this point that he could trust her entirely. He watched her reactions as he told her everything. They were full of sadness for everything that had happened, and she didn't have any doubt that he was telling the truth.

A couple weeks more passed and Brandi was treating a patient when Tom Hinchcliffer came into her office. “Go to the next room over, Tom.” Brandi finished up he bandages and sent the man on his way before going into the next room over to meet with Tom.

“It's always a pleasure to see you, Brandi.” Tom had a smirk on his face. “It is just too bad you're playing doctor every time I see you. You'd make a much better bedroom ornament.”

Brandi didn't say anything and started checking his vitals.

“When are you going to come back to my place and let me have my way with you, show you what you've been missing your whole life.”

Brandi continued to check the vitals without saying anything.

“I bet you'd be just as quiet for me in the bedroom, too, huh? Probably pretend to like it even if you didn't.”

“You check out just fine. Here is your medicine. Get out of my office.”

“Such a feisty little bitch, aren't ya? Don't worry, I'll get my chance with ya.”

“No. You won't.”

Later that night while Zach and Brandi were at the kitchen table eating, Brandi looked at Zach and says, “It is done. He took the pills. He'll start feeling sick tomorrow at the earliest, definitely by the day after. Do you know where he lives?”

“Yep. I know where he lives. I'll head out to him in two days.”

The days ticked by slowly as Zach finished the last of the repairs to Brandi's house. He even made himself a bed in one of the spare bedrooms, which was more comfortable than any place he could ever recall sleeping. Even Brandi was jealous by the comfort of the bed, though she would never tell him that she would sneak in there once in a while after he would leave in order to smell him.

Tom's house was a big place, but he lived alone. Zach sat off in the distance and watched while Tom blew out the candle light of his room, it was night. Zach then casually walked up to the front door, kicked it in, and walked directly up the stairs. He heard Tom's voice repeatedly asking who was there, but he said nothing in return.

“Hello, Tom. Do you remember me?” Zach said while slowly opening the door to the bedroom.

Tom coughed hard and weakly sat up in his bed. “...Zach...?”

“That's right, mother fucker. Do you remember what you did to me?”

“It was my brother!” Tom's voice was weak, but he yelled as loud as he could. “I had no choice!”

“There is always a choice.” Zach raised his gun towards Tom. “I want an apology.”

“I'm sorry!” Sweat was pouring off of Tom's face while his whole body trembled below the sheets. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ruin your life!”

BANG

“You're going to die on your own time, mother fucker. Just know that I could have killed you right now. You're not safe.” Zach turned around and walked out of the house while listening to Tom's cries fade the further he got from him.

Zach had also found out where Brian Hinchcliffer lived, and when the best time would be to get to him – which was right now. He hops onto one of Tom's horses and rides directly over to Brian's home, stopping just before he made it to the house itself. He goes to the gate that holds all the cattle in, opens it up, and fires a shot into the air.

The cattle run off into the darkness, and Brian shouts, “What the FUCK is going on out there?!?!?!”

BANG – Zach fires another shot.

Brian, in nothing but coveralls and carrying a shotgun, finds his way outside and points the gun directly at Zach. “What the fuck do you think you're doing here, boy?”

“Payback.”

“Zach...?”

“That's right, mother fucker. You took my life. Now I'm taking yours, you piece of shit.”

“You're not even pointing that gun in the right direction to be hitting me, boy.” He draws the shotgun up to shoulder level and plants it firmly into his body.

“You're stupid, old man.” A female voice from behind Brian drew his attention away from Zach while he felt a cold metal pressed against the side of his head. “Put the fucking gun down.”

Brian drops the gun to the ground. “Alright, you two got me. Now what?” The tone in his voice was sarcastic. Brian swings his right arm around and knocks the gun out of Brandi's hand, but before he can grab it – BANG – Zach fires a shot directly into his leg. “Alright! ALRIGHT!” Fuck.”

“Do you understand what you've done to me?”

“I put you in jail. I took your whole fucking life and made you my little bitch. Nothing you do today will change that. Nothing you do today with make you less of my bitch.”

“That is where you're wrong.” Zach shared a grin with his own world. “You didn't make me your bitch, you made me stronger than you. See. I'm the one with a gun to your head now. Would you have come back after everything you put me through? Would you? Would you have even stayed alive inside that cell for as long as I did, or would you have given up and killed yourself? I'm the stronger man and now you're my bitch.”

“And how do you figure that? You may have the upper hand, but my brother still has his hands in this town. I can still get away with anything.”

“That's what you think.” Another voice from the shadows calls out. It was the sheriff. “I didn't believe Zach at all, I'll be honest. I thought he was every bit as crazy as what you and your brother made him out to be. When Brandi came to me and told me everything she discovered about Zach I still had a hard time believing it, but I went out on a limb. You're coming with me.” The sheriff placed the hand cuffs around Brian's hands, threw him onto his horse, and then rode off back to town.

“I couldn't have done this without you, Brandi.” It was at this point in time that he noticed the way her smile and eyes created the most beautiful harmony he had ever seen. “I don't know that I'll ever be able to repay you.”

“I don't know how you will either.” The beauty grew. “You can start by kissing me, though.”

-Dustin S. Stover

For more of my short stories, check below.

Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

Relationships - Oh, Whoa, Whoa - Relationships

I've worn on my sleeve, too many times, the pain of my past. I kept it there for the distinct ability to remind myself to deal with it, or while I dealt with it. I spent years sifting through those moments to gain as much from them, to grow as much as I could from them. It was a great deal easier, I feel, than facing other people in similar emotionally draining situations in which they do nothing to alter their predicament.

Now, however, I feel as though I'm being smothered by this very thing that is completely out of my hand.

It should come as no surprise that I've witnessed very minimal good relationships, and taken part in even fewer. Good moments, sure. Happy moments that kept people – even myself – holding on to dying or dead connections, absolutely. I've never, however, seen a combination of two people over the course of an extended period of time in which the two people remained steadily happy and flourishing.

I suppose that is the one thing that has shaped my mindset from a psychological standpoint in regards to human interactions.

I've been told more times than I could ever care to count that two people are happy, that they work together extremely well, and that they couldn't imagine a life better with anyone else. Isn't that, by default, a bit of a narrow minded perspective?

Let me just examine little more than a statistical perspective. I'm currently 31 years old. I've not traveled even 10% of the amount that I would have liked to have done thus far in my life, and I doubt that number goes up much higher considering the more I travel the more I want to travel. Anyway, I digress. My point being, if I've only experienced 10% of what I want to in terms of simple locations in this world then let's just assume that I've not experienced even 10% of the TYPES of people in any given location I've been to, and I'd say that it should be noted that I'm very introverted, thus, probably narrowing that percentage down to a low single digit – if not less than a single full digit. Fuck it, the statistics are too hard to keep up with.

Assuming this holds true then how could I ever believe that I've found the perfect person for me already in my life? Or, hell, anyone at all in this world?

Then there is a much deeper and complex variable to add to this. The variable of change. Every event that we encounter in our life adds an altered perspective to how we live and perceive. Monumental events like deaths of loved ones all the way to getting coffee at an abnormal time of the day which causes a car accident can have extreme changes to perception.

Perception, then, is the most common factor in how we live from day to day. Even a minor detail in my perception can have a ripple effect that alters how I perceive a loved one. It is all dynamically interconnected, and given every day being a host of more experiences than we can possibly fathom then it should come as no surprise as to how frequently we, as humans, change.

Of course, some people need routines and stick to them with unwavering forcefulness. A slight hiccup in that previously mentioned coffee schedule could throw their entire emotional stability for the day out of whack – you should probably avoid dating those people anyway, but again, I digress. These people also seem to be the ones, from my personal experience, looking to close that gap of loneliness as quickly as possible and try to hold onto those relationships as tightly as possible – lying to not only other people about how happily engaged they are with their lover, but also lying to themselves.

I suppose at this point I should reveal my great epiphany of a solution, but the reality is that I don't have any such resolution. I'm of the firm belief that, at least for me, there are relationships that work for now and possibly for an extended period of time. That time frame could last for months or decades, I just simply don't know until I give them a try (which is probably why I've held so many relationships with such a wide variety of lovers).

I do know a couple things, however. The first thing that I know is that I never want to stop growing as a person. I never want my life to dull down into a hum-drum routine that makes my life feel more like stale, moldy bread than having the next day feel as though it could offer a great new adventure to learn from. Secondly, I know that I probably make the worst boyfriend in the entire world.

-Dustin S. Stover

For more reading by me, here's my collection of short stories for your reading pleasure.

Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness

Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness