With the recent influx of titles for sexual preferences, I thought it should be time that I put in my two cents in regards to attraction.
First off, I think labels are grossly misused. Why should there be a thousand labels to identify someone's sexuality (or lack thereof)? It is simple - do you like the person? Yes? No? Alright, let's move on.
I've always struggled with why I'm desirable and I, very typically, come to the conclusion that it is for all the wrong reasons. I feel that personality should be the highest priority in finding a partner, but it is the hardest part of a person to uncover.
More often than not, it is appearance that strikes someone's fancy. It should be no wonder, then, why so many relationships fail. By the point comes in which you discover the person's personality, what makes them unique, you're in too deep to just walk away. It is also the time people discover their distaste for the other person.
Let me turn this a bit more personal. It should come to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've had my fair share of relationships, typically lasting far longer than their expiration date should have allowed.
Through these experiences I have discovered that there are two primary reasons people find themselves attracted to me. Either through physical appearance, which I've already touched upon, or what I represent in their life.
I represent a fleeting moment in time. A life that allows my discontent to be explored and turn otherwise relevant and staying points in time to be fleeting. Even when I'm not moving I'm moving. I'm a dream that people think they desire in life, the ability to pack up and leave at a given point in time without the fear of what could happen, the ability to leave a miserable job because I can live on pennies on the dollar and not think twice about it, and the ability to pursue my own goals uninhibited by the strains of loans, children to take care of, or whatever other social norms that I feel so far removed from that they only create consequences in my life by separating me further from the norm.
I feel that personality is the least likely to shine through even for myself, which I feel is, essentially, everything I am.
Is this really any different than anyone else, though? Even the most simplistic person often feels desperately alone in their relationship - could it be that it all rides on them not feeling accepted, deep down, even on a subconscious level, by the one they've grown dependent upon?
I've always been into personality primarily. Always. A friend recently made a comment to me about how I don't have a body type of woman. It is true. Looking back through my history, I've never looked to a body type as a source of attraction. I've chosen to look deep into who each person was, appreciate them for being this unique person who could only exist if their life experiences happened exactly as they did to bring them to the very point in time in which we met and then chosen to allow them complete expression of themselves. Often times at the expense of my own expression, so it goes without wonder why I've felt so little acceptance in my previous affairs. (Do not message me asking if this is about you.)
Don't get me wrong, a physical attraction has to be sparked somewhere in there; however, anyone can become attractive to another person if the emotions are there first and everyone has some type of preference for body type, but it boggles my mind when someone won't date another person because they are too tall or too short or too hairy, their hips too big, they are overweight, or whatever other reason. Some of these things can be truly important, of course - say you lift weights and working out is a large part of your life, obviously someone who prefers to watch tv and is overweight won't be the one for you, but is that because of body type or lifestyle choices?
The whole point behind this post is that perspectives need to change. The level of importance on what you call yourself sexually has been raised far too high. Physical appearance has got to stop mattering as much if the desire is to be in a truly happy relationship - and if you have it matter less now then you'll find yourself attracted to someone in a way you never knew possible later.
Every human being is comprised of the same building blocks, we all have the same basic functionality - what makes us different are our personalities, not our appearance. It is time that society started valuing that more. Or don't. That choice is ultimately up to you.
-Dustin S. Stover
My collection of short stories can be found through Kindle and Barnes and Noble.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
First off, I think labels are grossly misused. Why should there be a thousand labels to identify someone's sexuality (or lack thereof)? It is simple - do you like the person? Yes? No? Alright, let's move on.
I've always struggled with why I'm desirable and I, very typically, come to the conclusion that it is for all the wrong reasons. I feel that personality should be the highest priority in finding a partner, but it is the hardest part of a person to uncover.
More often than not, it is appearance that strikes someone's fancy. It should be no wonder, then, why so many relationships fail. By the point comes in which you discover the person's personality, what makes them unique, you're in too deep to just walk away. It is also the time people discover their distaste for the other person.
Let me turn this a bit more personal. It should come to no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've had my fair share of relationships, typically lasting far longer than their expiration date should have allowed.
Through these experiences I have discovered that there are two primary reasons people find themselves attracted to me. Either through physical appearance, which I've already touched upon, or what I represent in their life.
I represent a fleeting moment in time. A life that allows my discontent to be explored and turn otherwise relevant and staying points in time to be fleeting. Even when I'm not moving I'm moving. I'm a dream that people think they desire in life, the ability to pack up and leave at a given point in time without the fear of what could happen, the ability to leave a miserable job because I can live on pennies on the dollar and not think twice about it, and the ability to pursue my own goals uninhibited by the strains of loans, children to take care of, or whatever other social norms that I feel so far removed from that they only create consequences in my life by separating me further from the norm.
I feel that personality is the least likely to shine through even for myself, which I feel is, essentially, everything I am.
Is this really any different than anyone else, though? Even the most simplistic person often feels desperately alone in their relationship - could it be that it all rides on them not feeling accepted, deep down, even on a subconscious level, by the one they've grown dependent upon?
I've always been into personality primarily. Always. A friend recently made a comment to me about how I don't have a body type of woman. It is true. Looking back through my history, I've never looked to a body type as a source of attraction. I've chosen to look deep into who each person was, appreciate them for being this unique person who could only exist if their life experiences happened exactly as they did to bring them to the very point in time in which we met and then chosen to allow them complete expression of themselves. Often times at the expense of my own expression, so it goes without wonder why I've felt so little acceptance in my previous affairs. (Do not message me asking if this is about you.)
Don't get me wrong, a physical attraction has to be sparked somewhere in there; however, anyone can become attractive to another person if the emotions are there first and everyone has some type of preference for body type, but it boggles my mind when someone won't date another person because they are too tall or too short or too hairy, their hips too big, they are overweight, or whatever other reason. Some of these things can be truly important, of course - say you lift weights and working out is a large part of your life, obviously someone who prefers to watch tv and is overweight won't be the one for you, but is that because of body type or lifestyle choices?
The whole point behind this post is that perspectives need to change. The level of importance on what you call yourself sexually has been raised far too high. Physical appearance has got to stop mattering as much if the desire is to be in a truly happy relationship - and if you have it matter less now then you'll find yourself attracted to someone in a way you never knew possible later.
Every human being is comprised of the same building blocks, we all have the same basic functionality - what makes us different are our personalities, not our appearance. It is time that society started valuing that more. Or don't. That choice is ultimately up to you.
-Dustin S. Stover
My collection of short stories can be found through Kindle and Barnes and Noble.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
