Those Wretched, Long Toenails

Every time I clip my toenails there is an unbearable screech that can be heard for miles around. It is a tremendous force that shakes me to my core. It does not, however, come from me. Nor does it come from my toenails – which, arguably, could be consider a part of me that I've cut off. Regardless, the screech is incredibly painful.

Yet, what is a person to do? Don't cut the toenail and they grow to such a long length that feet become painful, or they can curl around and make walking unpleasant.

There is something so pleasant about ridding myself of those pesky hard shells. There is, perhaps, a reminder that things change in a rather nonchalant and unnoticed way. We don't feel the nails growing. There isn't any real problem with them until they've grown too long, but then there is a real problem with them.

That screech, though. That bloody fucking screech. It feels like it will never end even though it lasts for seconds. The screech is so loud that it is deafening, painful, and borderline killer.

There is something about it that I miss once I stop clipping those damn things, though. Maybe it is that the sounds feel like home. I'd like the say it is the action itself but I know that isn't true. I find it rather dull, to be completely honest.

Maybe it is that satisfaction I feel after the screeches stop.

Actually, I'm sure that is what it is. There is a feeling of accomplishment every time that wretched sound is cleansed from my ears. It is like I've had some grand successful mission, a huge accomplishment that only a minor amount of people have been able to complete.

Truthfully, though, it just feels like letting go of the past.

Honesty and Why It Is Better to be So

Why do people lie?  There are times, sure, in which the person doesn't get caught, but what benefit does it really have to lie?

Humanity has a strong tendency to try hiding things from others by lying about it.  Hell, everyone does it.  It is pretty well ingrained into ourselves from the time we're born - whether it be to put on a facade of Santa Claus for children, giving money for lost teeth under the name of the tooth fairy, to the stories our parents read to us, all the way to our parents lying to us when explaining why mommy and daddy are yelling at one another (or any other subsequent event that would have a negative impact on perception of mommy and daddy together).

This, of course, never ends well.  A child learns that Santa isn't real, or the tooth fairy, and dreams get shattered with lighting speed.  We discover that, hey, our parents have some pretty serious arguments and, upon reaching that first major argument we have with our significant others, we realize they, too, are just human.

Essentially, being a teenager and early adult ends up being the harsh reality that we've been lied to our entire lives, but since it is all we know then how do we escape it?  Of course, this is where I interject and say, "understanding is the first step in the journey to resolve."

That isn't what this blog post is about, though.  This post is to point out some pretty major flaws in lying and how it impacts all those around.

This brings me to the act of lying.  Let's say, as a completely hypothetical, someone has made actions they are none-too-proud of - like eating a cake when they are claiming to be on a diet or cheating on their significant other.  Well, it is easy to understand why they wouldn't want to fess up to the action.  A whole fucking cake?  That's insane.

But then, you ate the cake.  Someone, somewhere is going to be wondering what happened to that box of cake mix.  What do you say?  Well, you don't want them to know so you say you threw the box out so you wouldn't be tempted.  Your significant other, the one you're lying to, believes you.  Cool, you've succeeded in eating that giant fucking cake.

But wait - the day after you ate the cake, and before you turned the dishwasher on to clean those dirty dishes, a friend was over and put their wine glass into the dish washer.  What did they see?  They saw that glass cake pan with the remnants of a cake on it.

Now, weeks, maybe months later that friend is over, hanging out with you and your significant other and something is brought up about cake.  That guilty conscience of yours is suddenly kicked into overdrive and, bam, you have to announce once again that you haven't ate any cake in 6 months or better.  The problem is,of course, no one brought up your lack of cake eating.  The friend, remembering in that very point in time, perhaps mentions the cake pan they saw that fateful day.  Maybe they don't, though.

It should be noted now that if they don't mention that cake pan then the situation is far worse.

If they mention the cake pan then suddenly you have to make up a new lie.  Perhaps, oh, you made a cake for a coworker but it wasn't the same cake mix - it was a cake mix you went out to buy after you threw the other one away.  Maybe you make up a lie about how it wasn't icing plastered on the side of the cake pan, it was something that resembled it.  Maybe you deflect and blame it on your significant other.

Anything that happens, however, everyone in the room is now noticing something even if they don't realize it.  They are noticing that you're acting off.  You're acting as though you're in on a secret that you're trying to convince everyone else that it isn't a secret.

Let me take a step back.  Let's assume that the friend doesn't say anything about the said cake pan and let me explain why the not mentioning it is the worse of the options.  If the friend doesn't bring up the cake pan they very obviously saw in your dishwasher, well, that means, quite simply, they have lost trust in you to tell the truth and simply have no desire to hear any more of your lies.

Now, back to the scenario of it being brought up - perhaps you get away with it.  The cake pan is dropped and no one has caught the fact that you just lied.  The problem is that they now noticed your actions being odd.  Maybe it didn't register, but from that point forth, every time your actions resemble those actions it will be related back to you acting funny.  Eventually, and this is an obvious one at this point, it is all going to link together - provided you stay in the people's lives long enough.  That eventual event is going to cause them to think about all those times - well, maybe not all, but enough.  Now is when your significant other loses trust in you.

Of course, how can your significant other talk to you about it?  You lied about eating a whole fucking cake, for fuck's sake.  Confronting you about it is obviously just going to lead to more lies and even if you come clean at this point, well, how would anyone know if you're omitting more of the truth?  Saying that you only ate part of the cake is a lie when you know you ate the whole thing.

Now, typically the people outside of the situation, but around it enough to witness it regularly, will catch on far sooner than your significant other.  They don't have the same kind of emotional ties.  Understandable, but then who do you have to turn to when your significant other leaves you?  None of your friends trust you, and if they do then they are probably just as untrustworthy as you are.

And there is the real shame in lying.  It isn't getting caught.  It isn't the fact that the whole cake is gone and you ate it all.  The shame comes when you realize just how alone you are and the only person you have to blame is yourself.  Eat the cake, just don't hide the fact that you did it.  Let those around you judge you or not judge you accordingly.  You'll find that those who accept the fact that you ate the cake make you feel far less alone in the world than those who just believe that you never ate the fucking thing in the first place.

-Dustin S. Stover

For my collection of short stories, find the digital copy below:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness