Love and lust hold so many similarities and yet maintain very distinct differences. The similarities make them very easily blurred, especially when emotionally fragile. The differences, however, can absolutely ruin one or the other.
A prime example of this is cheating and those who cheat. It should come as little surprise that the primary reason that any person would cheat is because they are lacking something in their primary relationship. Sometimes that is emotional, sometimes that is physical, sometimes it is both, but assuredly it is because of love or lust.
Everyone craves love, whether we want to admit it or not. We all have a strong desire to be completely accepted by another individual for who we are and feel a mutual acceptance for that person. The real problem with this arises when people begin to show who they really are, or perhaps allow.
Lust, of course, is what everyone wants. It can involve he emotions of love, but it may not necessarily be the same. It is just an act of total passion.
There should always be a balance between the two in any healthy relationship, but obviously it is easy to fall into certain routines. Those routines can easily destroy one side of that balance. So what is a person to do after they've lost one side of that equation?
The simplistic answer is to talk it out and find a means to regain that balance to a satisfactory level. Of course, from what most people have told me about their own relationships, this seems like the least likely option. Apparently people find themselves in relationships in which talking out their differences to find something mutually beneficial is harder than what I could possibly imagine.
The next option, and what seems to happen far more frequently than is healthy, is to cheat. Finding that someone at the local coffee shop, through online dating, or a coworker who can satisfy whatever is lacking in the situation. It ends in some seriously hurt feelings or worse, far worse in some cases.
I find it rather interesting as to how common it is for open relationships to exist. I shouldn't be surprised as I've had my own versions of this one in the past; however, I've found that the majority of people I know who do have these circumstances are the ones who either are or have partners who are unwilling to listen to the other person.
I should note that it isn't because they are bad people in the situations I've had people talk to me about, but rather it seems to be more of a pride thing. No one wants to hear that they don't give good oral or can't last a satisfying length of time, but the fact is that these things happen. Talking about them and bringing them into the open is the first step at accepting them, and only after accepting them can they be changed for the better.
I'm not going to pretend that I have any set advice on how to find a solution if you find yourself in this situation. The only thing I can say about it is that you have to talk. If you find yourself lacking the emotional side, especially if you're a man (and we know how hard that is) then express that, even if you don't even know that is what you're experiencing. Just express yourself. If you find yourself lustful after that feeling of pure, raw, uninhibited sexual fantasy and desire, even as a woman, then express that to your partner. You may not be able to find a happy middle ground, but at least it is a start towards figuring out how to find one.
-Dustin S. Stover
For more of my writing, click below.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
A prime example of this is cheating and those who cheat. It should come as little surprise that the primary reason that any person would cheat is because they are lacking something in their primary relationship. Sometimes that is emotional, sometimes that is physical, sometimes it is both, but assuredly it is because of love or lust.
Everyone craves love, whether we want to admit it or not. We all have a strong desire to be completely accepted by another individual for who we are and feel a mutual acceptance for that person. The real problem with this arises when people begin to show who they really are, or perhaps allow.
Lust, of course, is what everyone wants. It can involve he emotions of love, but it may not necessarily be the same. It is just an act of total passion.
There should always be a balance between the two in any healthy relationship, but obviously it is easy to fall into certain routines. Those routines can easily destroy one side of that balance. So what is a person to do after they've lost one side of that equation?
The simplistic answer is to talk it out and find a means to regain that balance to a satisfactory level. Of course, from what most people have told me about their own relationships, this seems like the least likely option. Apparently people find themselves in relationships in which talking out their differences to find something mutually beneficial is harder than what I could possibly imagine.
The next option, and what seems to happen far more frequently than is healthy, is to cheat. Finding that someone at the local coffee shop, through online dating, or a coworker who can satisfy whatever is lacking in the situation. It ends in some seriously hurt feelings or worse, far worse in some cases.
I find it rather interesting as to how common it is for open relationships to exist. I shouldn't be surprised as I've had my own versions of this one in the past; however, I've found that the majority of people I know who do have these circumstances are the ones who either are or have partners who are unwilling to listen to the other person.
I should note that it isn't because they are bad people in the situations I've had people talk to me about, but rather it seems to be more of a pride thing. No one wants to hear that they don't give good oral or can't last a satisfying length of time, but the fact is that these things happen. Talking about them and bringing them into the open is the first step at accepting them, and only after accepting them can they be changed for the better.
I'm not going to pretend that I have any set advice on how to find a solution if you find yourself in this situation. The only thing I can say about it is that you have to talk. If you find yourself lacking the emotional side, especially if you're a man (and we know how hard that is) then express that, even if you don't even know that is what you're experiencing. Just express yourself. If you find yourself lustful after that feeling of pure, raw, uninhibited sexual fantasy and desire, even as a woman, then express that to your partner. You may not be able to find a happy middle ground, but at least it is a start towards figuring out how to find one.
-Dustin S. Stover
For more of my writing, click below.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
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