I have always found myself around or in unhealthy relationships. It seems to be even more prevalent now compared to my past, but perhaps that is because I've opted to not pursue those unhealthy relationships that I'd have went into headstrong in my youth.
Every day, however, I see the things people hold with such high regards slipping through their finger tips. The sands of time have a wicked way of escaping us while we focus on how to fix what we find so wrong in our lives.
This brings me to a theory I've grown to appreciate. I'm not sure if I'm the first person to ever think it up, but I've never heard anyone else express it openly. Here goes.
Essentially, humans as a whole want to enjoy life. When thinking critically about what people look forward to and enjoy most in life, it isn't the objects they possess but the experiences they have throughout their life.
Experiences, however, change perspectives. Anyone who has friends knows that having an experience with friends is more enjoyable, but is it ever the same experience for two people? I don't think so. The importance of this is simple - if two people carry different emotions through the same experience then what they gain through the experience will shape them differently.
Of course, other experiences can bring two people closer together, but eventually there will be enough experiences driving a wedge into the evolution of the two people to cause a desire to separate.
There is a logical, but very destructive, means to avoid experiences creating a gap in growth and that is to not experience new things. This goes without saying that being an adult causes this to happen anyway. Obligating one's self to a job or career automatically means that the free time to go out and live an exciting life isn't nearly as available as it was in youth; however, even the amount of experiences one could have can be narrowed drastically.
This, too, can have a backfiring effect. For example, if I am in a relationship and suddenly find myself in a stale lifestyle in which experiences stop coming my way then I will very swiftly find myself unhappy. If the person I'm with is the one who doesn't ever want to go out and experience anything then then, well, obviously the two of us shouldn't be together.
Having been in a relationship that started off with grand adventures and travels and ending in little more than simply watching television shows and arguing over where we were going to eat for dinner, I can honestly say that I would rather be alone.
Another addition to this theory is that no two people will emotionally evolve at the same rate. Some people don't want to change, some don't acknowledge how they can change for the better, and some people are constantly striving to make their lives better for tomorrow in any number of ways.
All these things bring me to a conclusion that, perhaps, relationships are not meant to last forever. Perhaps they simply work for a period of time and then it is time to leave them for the next, someone who is more keen to where you are in life and match more evenly. That makes me sound very cold hearted, I know, but that could be the most healthy for all of us.
This perspective has also helped me appreciate everyone I've been with to a much larger degree. I don't expect anyone to change their lifestyle or me. I don't desire to change anyone's mentality just to hold onto a sinking ship. I've loved. I've lost. I will likely do both again, but I have a great deal of respect for (almost) every girl I've ever dated. I also think that, because of this mentality, I am far happier for those women wen they move on and find happiness with other people.
This is all complete theory, though, and it isn't as though I have anything beyond my own personal experiences to base this upon. Ultimately, everyone has to do whatever they feel is going to make them most happy.
-Dustin S. Stover
My collection of short stories:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Every day, however, I see the things people hold with such high regards slipping through their finger tips. The sands of time have a wicked way of escaping us while we focus on how to fix what we find so wrong in our lives.
This brings me to a theory I've grown to appreciate. I'm not sure if I'm the first person to ever think it up, but I've never heard anyone else express it openly. Here goes.
Essentially, humans as a whole want to enjoy life. When thinking critically about what people look forward to and enjoy most in life, it isn't the objects they possess but the experiences they have throughout their life.
Experiences, however, change perspectives. Anyone who has friends knows that having an experience with friends is more enjoyable, but is it ever the same experience for two people? I don't think so. The importance of this is simple - if two people carry different emotions through the same experience then what they gain through the experience will shape them differently.
Of course, other experiences can bring two people closer together, but eventually there will be enough experiences driving a wedge into the evolution of the two people to cause a desire to separate.
There is a logical, but very destructive, means to avoid experiences creating a gap in growth and that is to not experience new things. This goes without saying that being an adult causes this to happen anyway. Obligating one's self to a job or career automatically means that the free time to go out and live an exciting life isn't nearly as available as it was in youth; however, even the amount of experiences one could have can be narrowed drastically.
This, too, can have a backfiring effect. For example, if I am in a relationship and suddenly find myself in a stale lifestyle in which experiences stop coming my way then I will very swiftly find myself unhappy. If the person I'm with is the one who doesn't ever want to go out and experience anything then then, well, obviously the two of us shouldn't be together.
Having been in a relationship that started off with grand adventures and travels and ending in little more than simply watching television shows and arguing over where we were going to eat for dinner, I can honestly say that I would rather be alone.
Another addition to this theory is that no two people will emotionally evolve at the same rate. Some people don't want to change, some don't acknowledge how they can change for the better, and some people are constantly striving to make their lives better for tomorrow in any number of ways.
All these things bring me to a conclusion that, perhaps, relationships are not meant to last forever. Perhaps they simply work for a period of time and then it is time to leave them for the next, someone who is more keen to where you are in life and match more evenly. That makes me sound very cold hearted, I know, but that could be the most healthy for all of us.
This perspective has also helped me appreciate everyone I've been with to a much larger degree. I don't expect anyone to change their lifestyle or me. I don't desire to change anyone's mentality just to hold onto a sinking ship. I've loved. I've lost. I will likely do both again, but I have a great deal of respect for (almost) every girl I've ever dated. I also think that, because of this mentality, I am far happier for those women wen they move on and find happiness with other people.
This is all complete theory, though, and it isn't as though I have anything beyond my own personal experiences to base this upon. Ultimately, everyone has to do whatever they feel is going to make them most happy.
-Dustin S. Stover
My collection of short stories:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
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