A recent event got me thinking quite deeply about insecurities and, more importantly, how they cause actions that are, well, less than desirable.
And of course, I've touched upon insecurities in the past - how important it is to be secure in yourself as a person, to know your strengths and weaknesses. I won't ever neglect that importance as it seems to be the foundation of being a healthy human being.
So let me get into more detail about insecurities. First off, they always stem from feeling as though value is lost somewhere. They, of course, are the ones who have all the right to decide your value in their life and not you. The moment you place your own insecurities in front of their judgment, it is to say that you don't trust them to judge you.
Yeah, yeah, go on your tangents about how people shouldn't judge - and I don't believe the typical judgments are fair, to say that because you dress or look a certain way is to mean you fit a certain criteria is unfair to any and all - however, everyone has to judge the moment someone is to enter their life in any substantial manner.
I'm guilty of being extremely cerebral. I have a very strong tendency to try to understand anything and everything I can, but I'm also guilty of having quite cloudy judgment of how other people perceive me. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has laid in bed at night wondering why someone else likes them or what have you.
To get back on topic, though, let's look at some of the actions that can be caused by insecurity.
A most prominent action is to question the other person's motives. This can go into a variety of directions - are you looking to gain something from me, are you genuine in your interests, do you really care at all? So on and so forth. This mindset always ends badly. For obvious reasons, it sets someone on the defense or offends them. At the very least, it makes the insecure person seem less desirable because they appear to be rather emotionally unstable.
Another common one I've witnessed is the controlling type. I'm sure a number have seen this overly common type. The type who tells their significant other what they can and cannot do. The type that makes them feel inferior in every way just to compensate their own lack of value - after all, if they do everything the insecure one desires then it must mean they love them, right? Well, obviously not always. Most of the time it ends up being psychologically devastating and no one wants to spend tens of thousands to undo the damage of being put down for, possibly, decades.
A third type is the one that shies away from interactions. Perhaps a girl is interested in a guy, the guy doesn't understand why so he avoids her. Passing up on all experience with the other person altogether. This feeds into an even deeper problem where the insecure one starts the vicious cycle of feeling undesirable because they don't experience a relationship the way other people do so they don't take up the opportunities to explore a relationship when it presents itself.
In all of these cases, however, the core problem is the insecurity itself. It should not be relied upon anyone else to make the insecure individual feel secure. In the cases in which there are questions in regards to where two people stand with one another, it should be discussed in a healthy fashion. If that insecurity in the relationship or friendship still exists afterwards then there is a fundamental problem inside the relationship - that fundamental issue is trust, but that is a topic I've previously discussed and, I'm most certain, I will discuss again in the future.
-Dustin S. stover
And of course, I've touched upon insecurities in the past - how important it is to be secure in yourself as a person, to know your strengths and weaknesses. I won't ever neglect that importance as it seems to be the foundation of being a healthy human being.
So let me get into more detail about insecurities. First off, they always stem from feeling as though value is lost somewhere. They, of course, are the ones who have all the right to decide your value in their life and not you. The moment you place your own insecurities in front of their judgment, it is to say that you don't trust them to judge you.
Yeah, yeah, go on your tangents about how people shouldn't judge - and I don't believe the typical judgments are fair, to say that because you dress or look a certain way is to mean you fit a certain criteria is unfair to any and all - however, everyone has to judge the moment someone is to enter their life in any substantial manner.
I'm guilty of being extremely cerebral. I have a very strong tendency to try to understand anything and everything I can, but I'm also guilty of having quite cloudy judgment of how other people perceive me. This should come as no surprise to anyone who has laid in bed at night wondering why someone else likes them or what have you.
To get back on topic, though, let's look at some of the actions that can be caused by insecurity.
A most prominent action is to question the other person's motives. This can go into a variety of directions - are you looking to gain something from me, are you genuine in your interests, do you really care at all? So on and so forth. This mindset always ends badly. For obvious reasons, it sets someone on the defense or offends them. At the very least, it makes the insecure person seem less desirable because they appear to be rather emotionally unstable.
Another common one I've witnessed is the controlling type. I'm sure a number have seen this overly common type. The type who tells their significant other what they can and cannot do. The type that makes them feel inferior in every way just to compensate their own lack of value - after all, if they do everything the insecure one desires then it must mean they love them, right? Well, obviously not always. Most of the time it ends up being psychologically devastating and no one wants to spend tens of thousands to undo the damage of being put down for, possibly, decades.
A third type is the one that shies away from interactions. Perhaps a girl is interested in a guy, the guy doesn't understand why so he avoids her. Passing up on all experience with the other person altogether. This feeds into an even deeper problem where the insecure one starts the vicious cycle of feeling undesirable because they don't experience a relationship the way other people do so they don't take up the opportunities to explore a relationship when it presents itself.
In all of these cases, however, the core problem is the insecurity itself. It should not be relied upon anyone else to make the insecure individual feel secure. In the cases in which there are questions in regards to where two people stand with one another, it should be discussed in a healthy fashion. If that insecurity in the relationship or friendship still exists afterwards then there is a fundamental problem inside the relationship - that fundamental issue is trust, but that is a topic I've previously discussed and, I'm most certain, I will discuss again in the future.
-Dustin S. stover
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