It is so easy to ignore the toxic behaviors of a person you love, or believe to love, while in a relationship with them, and the way that toxic behaviors exist can be as wide ranging as there are the amount of people in the world. I will outline some of the behaviors I find most unsettling in this blog.
First, lies. Lies can come in so many different flavors and just about everyone is guilty of shifting the truth in some fashion or another, but severe lying - compulsive, even - is something drastically different. If you catch your lover in lies and they deny those lies, or find ways to circle around their lies to confuse and defer blame of those lies then there is something seriously unhealthy going on.
This is one of those things that doesn't even have to be direct, either. Just the fact that your lover lies in general means that it is only a matter of time before your trust in this person dissipates into oblivion.
Passive aggressive comments are another big sign of an unhealthy relationship, especially if they are done in such a fashion that makes it seem like a joke in public. Let's just take out the possibility of it being meant seriously, that means your lover is utilizing you as the butt of their joke. That instantly puts on display a lack of respect for you. Now, obviously, comes the fact that there is meaning behind it as otherwise it wouldn't be said.
Passive aggressive comments belittle the recipient to such a degree that the effects aren't directly known. Their emotional and mental well being just consistently shrinks over time, the more they hear these comments, so that where they may have initially thought, "this is a harmless joke," they no longer laugh.
Then there is controlling behavior. If your lover tries to dominate what you do, how you do things, or expects severe double standards out of the relationship - especially if they have far more freedom than you do - then there is a very degrading situation brewing.
It isn't fair to anyone in a relationship to be looked at as less of a person inside the relationship, and it most certainly isn't conducive to allowing the person to grow into a better person.
Analyzing these traits, at least in my mind, leads me to believe they are all inherently connected by a single personality trait - insecurity.
Why would someone lie so consistently, and then try to wrap their denial around in so many paths that it is impossible to follow? Because they are insecure with themselves and look for a means to feel better about their actions.
Why would someone make such passive aggressive comments? Because they don't know how to effectively portray what they feel in a constructive, healthy, and respectful fashion - and why wouldn't they know how to do that? Because they are insecure about their feelings.
Why would someone be so controlling? Because they feel that if they don't control the person then they will lose the person - again, insecurity.
Now, what is the most basic reason for insecurity? What is the root of why a person is so insecure? Where does it stem from, insecurity?
You tell me what you think the answer may be.
-Dustin S. Stover
For my collection of short stories, click below:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
First, lies. Lies can come in so many different flavors and just about everyone is guilty of shifting the truth in some fashion or another, but severe lying - compulsive, even - is something drastically different. If you catch your lover in lies and they deny those lies, or find ways to circle around their lies to confuse and defer blame of those lies then there is something seriously unhealthy going on.
This is one of those things that doesn't even have to be direct, either. Just the fact that your lover lies in general means that it is only a matter of time before your trust in this person dissipates into oblivion.
Passive aggressive comments are another big sign of an unhealthy relationship, especially if they are done in such a fashion that makes it seem like a joke in public. Let's just take out the possibility of it being meant seriously, that means your lover is utilizing you as the butt of their joke. That instantly puts on display a lack of respect for you. Now, obviously, comes the fact that there is meaning behind it as otherwise it wouldn't be said.
Passive aggressive comments belittle the recipient to such a degree that the effects aren't directly known. Their emotional and mental well being just consistently shrinks over time, the more they hear these comments, so that where they may have initially thought, "this is a harmless joke," they no longer laugh.
Then there is controlling behavior. If your lover tries to dominate what you do, how you do things, or expects severe double standards out of the relationship - especially if they have far more freedom than you do - then there is a very degrading situation brewing.
It isn't fair to anyone in a relationship to be looked at as less of a person inside the relationship, and it most certainly isn't conducive to allowing the person to grow into a better person.
Analyzing these traits, at least in my mind, leads me to believe they are all inherently connected by a single personality trait - insecurity.
Why would someone lie so consistently, and then try to wrap their denial around in so many paths that it is impossible to follow? Because they are insecure with themselves and look for a means to feel better about their actions.
Why would someone make such passive aggressive comments? Because they don't know how to effectively portray what they feel in a constructive, healthy, and respectful fashion - and why wouldn't they know how to do that? Because they are insecure about their feelings.
Why would someone be so controlling? Because they feel that if they don't control the person then they will lose the person - again, insecurity.
Now, what is the most basic reason for insecurity? What is the root of why a person is so insecure? Where does it stem from, insecurity?
You tell me what you think the answer may be.
-Dustin S. Stover
For my collection of short stories, click below:
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
Nook: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
No comments:
Post a Comment