I shrug my shoulders at the end of yet another date. A meaningless, trivial date that goes nowhere in a hurry and finds itself sitting at that place of nonexistence yet trying to force something to grow.
She looks at me and asks me how I feel about the weather. I look at her and tell her it is hot, sweltering, and close enough to Hell that it would easily be mistaken. We both laugh as she agrees, but the conversation, again, falls flat.
And at the end of the night we go our separate ways. We parked near one another so we did an awkward walk in silence in similar directions until we end the short stroll by saying it was fun - it wasn't - and that we should do it again - we won't, but we agree upon it anyway.
Once I sit in my car, the sound of John Zorn's barely considered music playing in the background, I let out a sigh and think about how, yet again, I've led another friend to their perfect match. Yet, of course, I can't find anyone that sits well with me.
I suppose at this time I should reflect back a bit into my past. See, I moved to this suck fest of a town a few years back. Desperately searching for a place through various shady websites, I finally met someone who didn't creep me out. The room mates name - Peter. Well, it was Pete, but he introduced himself as Peter at first.
Pete was the type of guy who had a genuine heart but couldn't really express himself effectively enough to win someone over well enough for a second date, but there was a girl I worked with that had a bit of an awkwardness to her. After schmoozing it up a bit during the work shift, months of schmoozing, it dawned on me that Pete and the coworker - Ashley - had a lot in common.
I asked Pete how he felt about throwing a bit of a house party and he got excited to bust out some old board games he had never gotten a chance to play. I asked some coworkers. He asked some friends. It turned out to be quite the event - that's a total lie, actually. It was five people sitting around a house, casually drinking beers and trying best to make conversation even though we had nothing really in common other than work.
Well, except Ashley and Pete. They spent the entire night talking. In fact, she ended up spending the night on the couch that night because once their conversation ended she was too tired to drive home.
When the lease for that house ended, Ashley and Pete got their own place and back to the shady internet I went.
I had a string of bad experiences. A room mate who decided that three a.m. was the perfect time to clean house using, I'm fairly certain, a sledgehammer and chainsaw. I lasted a couple weeks before I found myself in another house. The second place was listed as a straight laced, no frills kind of house. What I got was a complete stoner who always had company. It was a good thing my job didn't do random piss tests as I'd have failed by second hand inhalation alone. I lasted a little bit longer by staying for a couple days more than a month.
Then I found myself roomed up with a girl. I'm not going to lie, she was quite attractive. I was afraid initially that I was going to make some kind of move on her and ruin everything but we soon discovered that we didn't care at all for one another romantically. Something about our personalities didn't mesh that way, but we became good friends.
Jamie was her name. She became a sister to me, but when I moved in she had just went through a pretty rough break up. She was engaged to a guy for almost a year, and dated for four years prior to that. Typical story of walking in on him with her best friend. Well, not so typical considering it was actually her mom and not best friend. And her dad was watching. Talk about weird stories.
Jamie went up and down with it. Not only did she lose her lover, she cut her folks out of the picture, too.
As she was getting emotionally stable again, however, I found myself introducing her to a guy I was trying to start a band with. Tommy.
Now, Tommy is a guy that when you look at him all that you can think is tattooed freak. Piercings, tattoos, scruffy beard, long hair. Jamie, on the other hand, was an understated kind of beauty. No tattoos, no piercings, raised relatively conservative - probably why we'd have never worked out - and someone you'd never peg to be into a rock star.
It happened, though. To be fair, Tommy is one of the nicest guys in the world. The band didn't work out - all because of my lack of motivation - but Jamie and Tommy sure as hell did. They are married and just adopted their second dog. They also just bought their own place, which means I'm back out. She still doesn't have any tattoos or piercings, though.
I've had my fair share of dates throughout that time - even had a bit of sex, too. None of them stuck, though. A crazy girl who, on a first date no less, asked me how I felt about knives being used during sex. Another girl fell asleep while we were on a coffee date. One girl lacked the intelligence to hold a conversation about anything deeper than the latest chick flick she watched.
I finally met one I could talk to, hold conversation with. Actually, it filled me with hope for the first time in years. Then I found out she was married.
The sex that came and went was only ever so-so, but that is because, as everyone should know, great sex comes from emotions and comfort. That's something that no amount of talent can replace.
And now here I find myself, once again, ending a date with a someone, while I'm sure is a perfectly good person, I have no connection with.
I start the move in process for my new place tomorrow. Another single room mate. Another match made in heaven coming up. It just won't be mine.
-Dustin S. Stover
For my collection of short stories, click below.
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
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