I've seen a great deal more relationships than I could ever count. We all have, really. Whether it be the beginning of a relationship where a couple holds hands across the table or does that overly annoying sitting on the same side of the booth nonsense or it being the couple that has clearly been together for so long that they don't even care to make eye contact while they eat.
What, then, can make two people stay together?
I've put quite a lot of thought process into this question and I've boiled it down to two very distinct things - dependency and connection. They aren't mutually exclusive, and most of the time a couple doesn't need but one.
As an example, I've seen relationships that the two fight incessantly, have no positive communication skills at all, don't even share the same interests, yet they stay together. I've been close to couples like this, close enough to hear both sides of their stories and gotten quite a good feel as to why each one stays. From this, the central point is that they depend on one another. Sometimes that dependency comes from emotional security - knowing someone will be there. Other times it comes from financial dependency - life is expensive for a huge portion of people.
Obviously this comes with an inherent grouping of problems.
The connection side of things, those long conversations about nothing and everything all at once. The little experiences, like that hole in the wall restaurant, becoming some grand story symbolic of the love for one another, and all of those other small details that grow into massive lumps of butterflies in the stomach form into the connection we all crave.
That one sounds like the obvious winner of the competition of gluing, but is it?
Now, let me dive into exploring the consequences of each.
In the dependency corner, it can give one person more of an edge than the other - especially if one person is dependent on the other for tangibles. The person in control of the commodities will gravitate towards feeling as though they are the more important role in the relationship, naturally. It then becomes increasingly important for that person to become aware that they are choosing to stay in the relationship for a reason - they, too, are dependent on that other person.
Exploring the emotional dependency, then, we find that it becomes much the same power struggle. For simplicity's sake, let's say a female becomes emotionally dependent on a male. The male, at this point, can use that power to degrade the self esteem of the other person, to the point that it then becomes a feeling that they not only want the emotional support but feel they can't get it elsewhere, either.
The connection corner comes it with some pretty severe consequences as well. For one, it can become quite addictive, yet when that entry level connection wears off and the day to day life starts reducing those hole in the wall restaurants to a simple meal it becomes easy to translate that to losing interest in the other person.
There is also the downside of, if the relationship ends, having to go back to those places and remembering the events that transpired - I still can't go to one of the coffee shops I used to frequent without being reminded of that fireplace lit conversation, just the two of us sitting there and the owner dimming the lights, making it look closed for all but us.
Anyway, communication is the real problem solver here. It is equally important for all parties to know why the two of you (or three, or four, or more in some cases) stay together. Not always will someone like to hear it. It will always open the door to real conversation about things, though.
-Dustin S. Stover
What, then, can make two people stay together?
I've put quite a lot of thought process into this question and I've boiled it down to two very distinct things - dependency and connection. They aren't mutually exclusive, and most of the time a couple doesn't need but one.
As an example, I've seen relationships that the two fight incessantly, have no positive communication skills at all, don't even share the same interests, yet they stay together. I've been close to couples like this, close enough to hear both sides of their stories and gotten quite a good feel as to why each one stays. From this, the central point is that they depend on one another. Sometimes that dependency comes from emotional security - knowing someone will be there. Other times it comes from financial dependency - life is expensive for a huge portion of people.
Obviously this comes with an inherent grouping of problems.
The connection side of things, those long conversations about nothing and everything all at once. The little experiences, like that hole in the wall restaurant, becoming some grand story symbolic of the love for one another, and all of those other small details that grow into massive lumps of butterflies in the stomach form into the connection we all crave.
That one sounds like the obvious winner of the competition of gluing, but is it?
Now, let me dive into exploring the consequences of each.
In the dependency corner, it can give one person more of an edge than the other - especially if one person is dependent on the other for tangibles. The person in control of the commodities will gravitate towards feeling as though they are the more important role in the relationship, naturally. It then becomes increasingly important for that person to become aware that they are choosing to stay in the relationship for a reason - they, too, are dependent on that other person.
Exploring the emotional dependency, then, we find that it becomes much the same power struggle. For simplicity's sake, let's say a female becomes emotionally dependent on a male. The male, at this point, can use that power to degrade the self esteem of the other person, to the point that it then becomes a feeling that they not only want the emotional support but feel they can't get it elsewhere, either.
The connection corner comes it with some pretty severe consequences as well. For one, it can become quite addictive, yet when that entry level connection wears off and the day to day life starts reducing those hole in the wall restaurants to a simple meal it becomes easy to translate that to losing interest in the other person.
There is also the downside of, if the relationship ends, having to go back to those places and remembering the events that transpired - I still can't go to one of the coffee shops I used to frequent without being reminded of that fireplace lit conversation, just the two of us sitting there and the owner dimming the lights, making it look closed for all but us.
Anyway, communication is the real problem solver here. It is equally important for all parties to know why the two of you (or three, or four, or more in some cases) stay together. Not always will someone like to hear it. It will always open the door to real conversation about things, though.
-Dustin S. Stover
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