I want to explore the different methods in which a couple can experience things together in this blog post.
Firstly, you have the obvious one. The experiences that the two people mutually enjoy. Maybe it is going rock climbing - which, this one has an added bonus of improving trust as well as the experience itself causing two people to grow together. Maybe it is a concert for a band both companions enjoy. Maybe it is fishing or whatever, just so long as the two people mutually find enjoyment.
But, let me dig in a bit deeper. There is, of course, complications with this - at least, possible complications. Maybe one person enjoys rock climbing because it clears their mind, it forces them to focus on one thing and making a break from the stresses of every day life. The other person, however, could like the challenge of it - the ability to constantly get better at doing this. Right away we can see the possibility of conflict in the mutual enjoyment. One person tries to turn it into a competition with the other, the other person simply wants to escape stress.
Of course, two people can meet in the middle on this as well. Maybe that competitive nature of their significant other takes them even further away from their stresses. Maybe they both slow down enough to just relax from it all.
There is another kind of experience that should also be discussed. The kind of experience in which one person enjoys the experience and the other simply goes along in support. Now, I could throw in my personal experiences into this mix; however, I'm just going to rattle off the various outcomes I can fathom from this scenario.
One would have the obvious side effect of the partner enjoying themselves as well. Maybe it is from the sight of how much their loved one enjoys the situation or maybe it is due to finding out they have quite an interest in their experience. This is the most pleasant outcome I could imagine.
Another outcome would be apathetic. They really don't care. This could easily be predictable behavior, it could create a divide between the couple, or it could render an apathetic nature as well. I'd imagine that under the right circumstances it could even be a welcome response - perhaps you don't want your significant other to do said thing with you as you feel it is your alone time.
Any way you spin the second method, though, it is far more enjoyable than the last response. The final fundamental response I can imagine is a distaste for the experience. Going back to the rock climbing, imagine how miserable you'd be if you were the one who enjoyed the rock climbing and your partner complained about it the entire time. Or better yet, imagine being the one who hates it so much that you just wish the whole nightmare was over already.
This is easily the most divisive response. Not only would it put the one who dislikes the experience in a bad mood (imagine spending 8 hours on the side of that mountain when you hate it), but that body language is going to feed into the one who'd normally enjoy themselves' bad time. It is quite easy to imagine how resentment could grow from this - the mindset that, "well, I did this for you so what are you going to do for me?" That kind of feeling is never positive in a relationship where respect and value is placed highly on one another.
Can you think of any other fundamental response to shared experiences?
-Dustin S. Stover
For more reading pleasure, check out my collection of short stories!
Kindle: Happiness in a Void of Darkness
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